What do I hope to gain from this site?
This site represents a desire to invest my time in something that "matters". It's an investment in myself in a sense. I want to show myself that I am able to once again pursue a new hobby, even one that's always seemed so elusive. The computer programming courses that always seemed untouchable because they were above my skillset (in the back of my mind they always belonged to people destined to stay a few tax brackets above me) don't seem as intimidating to me now.
One of the greatest disappointments of my adult-hood has been coming to terms with the fact that the single greatest luxury in life is free-time. When your entire existence is "work, shower, sleep, repeat" it's easy to feel bitter when you remember that some people's realities are "work when I feel like it because my livelihood doesn't actually depend on it." Right this second I'm sitting on my couch typing out my thoughts as they come because I have the time to do so. For a while I was waking up at 3:45am so I could make it to work by 5:40 and then getting home close to 6pm and going to bed around 8:30pm. I was exhausted and what little free time I had I felt like I was wasting by scrolling on my phone. I often think of my social work days when I was learning about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. No sleep, no energy --> no artistic expression, no self-realization.
I want to feel human. I want to be that girl with endless hobbies. I want to ramble on freely and chase my thoughts as they appear. If I am just a worker 100% of the day, who am I truly?
Maybe this site will wind up collecting dust, untouched before I even get it to look like "me", but even so I think it's worth the undertaking while I figure out who and what I am, where I want to be, & how to think critically again when nobody's looking.
[Thank you Angel for inspiring me to pick this up]